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Fathers Battling Injustice
Satire
Posted By: Athena
Date: Saturday, 11 March 2000, at 9:45 a.m.
PLANE CRASH HITS WOMEN HARDEST Recent plane crashes have hit women hardest, says a new study just released by the Propaganda Organization for Women (POW). POW President Colleen Hyphenated-Lastname said there were both men and women aboard the flights when they crashed. "But in every situation, women are hardest hit. Obviously that rule applies to plane crashes as well."
"In virtually every income and social level, women are at a disadvantage compared to men," Hyphenated-Lastname said. "Naturally, this also applies to death. Ever since childhood, boys were encouraged to play war games, or cops and robbers and other games in which the players pretend to be shot and killed. Therefore, boys grow up with valuable training and experience in dying that puts women at a disadvantage. Society imposes this limit on girls and women. Like the sneaker commercial says about girls: 'If you want to empower me, teach me how to die.'"
Hyphenated-Lastname explained other ways in which her organization reached its findings: "We know that violence against women is always wrong. And the flip-side of that coin is that violence against men is sometimes great. Now, this was a very violent plane crash. So obviously all the violence against women was wrong, but some of the violence against the men was justified or tolerable. To these men we say, 'stop whining.' "
"We know that the men on the plane just sat there while this terrible violence happened to women. How is it, in our day and age, that these men could just sit by and do nothing while women died? Because of their lack of action, those men are partly to blame for the deaths of those women -- as are men everywhere."
"It seems likely that some of the men on that plane were not willing to give up their lives. This is part of the backlash against women. We see the same thing when men do not want to be fired, demoted, passed over for promotion or discriminated against in order to assure equality. These men do not want to give up their privileges. We assume that some men on that plane did not want to give up the privilege of life, either. But obviously, if they died, then a woman might get their jobs. They might claim that they 'only want to go on living.' The real reason is they just want to hold women back."
"However, it is a matter of controversy as to whether any men on the plane actually died," Hyphenated-Lastname said. "We know that death is the ultimate form of victimhood, and we also know that only women are victims. Therefore it's debatable whether any of the men on the plane actually died, or whether they merely underwent a radical deconstruction of their Eurocentric consciousness."
"We studied the plane crash using the same methods we employ to study and identify domestic violence, discrimination and sexism," Hyphenated-Lastname said. "All those studies show that only women are victims. So obviously there were no male victims on the plane that crashed."
"Our study defined death thusly: It's death if it happens to women, and it's not death if it happens to men. This is, after all, the same way we define discrimination and sexism."
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