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Fathers Battling Injustice
False Accusations -- Just Hang In There!!
Posted By: Noela
Date: Saturday, 11 March 2000, at 10:04 a.m.
Hi,
The issue of false accusations is particularly of interest to me since my Ex has made and continues to make such accusations about sexual abuse of our daughter (since she was 2. Now she is almost 4). Caution and means of protection:--
Virtually -- it is impossible to protect yourself, unless you impose supervised access (with either friends, family or others) on yourself. This is because false accusation is a pathology, and either a sympton or manifestation of focused paranoia (don't get me wrong -- it has taken me almost 3 years to come to this conclusion). Hence the accuser is going to continue making the false accusation.
-- In my case, my ex would rush my daughter to the hospital emergency whenever "she" the ex thinks she has been abused -- and my daugher would subject to intrusive examinations to no avail.
-- The CAS investigated the case, and found no evidence consistent with abuse.
-- I was open with the CAS. The invited me for supervised access, and I drove the 300 kilometres every time and did it.
-- I maintained professional contact with them, and cooperated with their investigations. They came to my home for a home inspection after she made a complaint that my home was not safe for the kids (without ever stepping a foot there -- she has never done so).
-- Besides, I maintained a very good relationship with my kids througout all the ordeal -- maintained contact with them, even if it required 3 hours of supervision, and I'm very grateful for this forum for the support to continue.
-- After two years, the court reversed custody -- after several warnings by the Judge to that effect. She was found in contempt of court in denying access. She interfered with access at every turn, changed kids names, made false accusations; motioned the court to deny me access. the Jugde warned her repeatedly to change her attitude otherwise she would reverse custody. Then bam! in July 1999, she took off to the US for a business meeting, without prior notice. I had the kids for the weekend; when I returned them monday., she did not show up for pickup and her lawyer or friends did not know her whereabouts. I waited for 2 days and did not hear from her, hence I went to court and petitoned for custody -- the judge granted interim interim custody right away. She came back and petioned the court for reversal, the judge denied it, and gave me interim custody.
-- Almost two weeks before trial -- the CAS asked for my consent in pertmitting them to contact the local hospitals where she stays to exercise restraint whenever she brings my daughter in for examination. The wrote a detailed letter stating they expect her behaviour and false accusations to continue, given the history, and they want to protect my daughter from unwarranted examinations because they do no have any safety concerns about the me and the kids. I signed the authorization yesterday, after approval from my Lawyer.
--- Slowly, the truth is coming out --- and closing in on her. The trial is in the corner and she seems scared --running away from the pro Server when she was to be served papers. She could not get a lawyer to represent her: Legal Aid has funds to pay for a lawyer, and has taken it upon themselves looking for a lawyer for her -- but after almost 6 months, no other lawyer in town is willing to take the case as she has had all the best in town, and for some reason could not work cooperatively with them.
--- So, yes, the process is daunting and a very painful one: but the truth comes out eventuall -- all it takes is the human will to survive.
-- For those in similar situations, surround yourself with healthy relations: friends, family, counsellors and if possible, a psychiatrist or counsellor with some training in Mood Therapy.
--- Read Dean Tong's Book: Don't Balme Me Daddy and Ashes to Ashes. Search amazon.com. Particularly relevant with US cases.
-- Also keep your focus: to develope a healthy relationship with your kids, and don't let anything detract you.
--- Above all, as here adviced me: Don't Run, Don't Run Away. The temptation is great, and it seems like the easy way out. Bob Marley: "He who Fights and Runs Away Lives to Fight Another Day"
--- Remember, you can damage someone physically, and it is evident. when someone falsely accusses you the emotional damage is raumatic and can last a long time as it scars and scrapes your self-worth. But the will is the last to go because it can be tied to our primary motivational force to search for meaning. Keep your search for meaning in view and focus on it.
--- One of my best companions during this ordeal was Viktor Frankl's Book: Man's Search For Meaning (proabably, the only book written by a psychiatrist that I can understand).
-- Remember Nietzsche: " He who has a WHY to live can bear with almost any HOW"
Still Searching........
/Noela
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