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Fathers Battling Injustice
More PAS Peggy Ward Ph.D , J. Campbell Harvey, J.D.
Posted By: Gordon Bolton In Response To: PAS Peggy Ward Ph.D , J. Campbell Harvey, J.D. (Gordon Bolton)
Date: Sunday, 8 August 1999, at 12:22 p.m.
C. Courts
Courts must recognize the initial seeds of alienation and seek information about family structure to examine the degree of risk in the family: Are the adults using or manipulating the children in furtherance of their own emotional needs? Are the children vulnerable to alienation?
All children can be enlisted into the battle, but, generally speaking, the children who are most vulnerable may be overly dependent, fearful and passive. These children may express guilt feelings about their parents' divorce, identify with or play the rescuer of the alienating parent, assume caretaking roles of a parent, and/or feel conditionally loved. The more vulnerable children pick up and resonate with the parental feelings. Generally, the children will have little insight into their situation.
The factors that identify families where alienation is less likely are: abundant positive contact between both parents and the children; sibling groups who all have good relations with both parents; good relations of the children with family and friends of both parents; free communication to the child by others of the good qualities of both parents; lack of defensiveness on the part of each parent as to the emotions, statements and criticisms of the other; ability of each parent to discuss schedules and parenting concerns with the other parent; ability of each parent to accommodate the schedules and desires of the other.
Many high conflict families view the court as determining not only custody and visitation, but also making judgments about the right and wrong, good and bad parenting. Court is seen as a place where one person is judged to be fit, and the other unfit. The court can help ameliorate this unfortunate scenario by making explicit the legal and pragmatic grounds for a decision. If appropriate, the court can declare neutrality on personal and moral issues that do not expose a child to harm. Compassionate communication that does not further the anger, loss, shame and humiliation in this public forum can be immensely healing.
2. Mild Alienation Cases
Once an alienation process has been identified, the court must intervene. Even at the mild or beginning stages there is much work to be done. There is usually a healthy psychological bond between each of the parents and the child and at least a cognitive recognition on the part of the alienating parent that an estrangement between the child and the target parent is not in the best interests of the child. The alienating parent is frequently willing to participate in a program to change the direction of the case, if given the information and the guidance necessary.
Often the alienation at this stage is motivated by fear that the impending divorce will cause the child to love the alienating parent less. The finalization of the divorce itself together with specific education and the therapy described below may ameliorate the situation.
At the mild stage, it is imperative that the family be engaged in a "family systems" therapy that is focused on changing the behavior of the parties around the child. The traditional individual therapies are not helpful as individual treatment tends to focus on only one side, therefore potentially increasing the alienation by advocacy for a client. If individual therapy is necessary for a child or a parent, it must take place with a therapist who understands the alienation process and who supports the value to a child of having a relationship with each parent. Family systems work may need to include the child at some or all sessions.
All therapists engaged with the family must understand family dynamics and parental alienation, have a systems approach and clearly understand that children need two parents. The therapists must be strong and forceful and able to utilize the force of the court through the Guardian ad Litem. The therapy must be directed at the resolution of the divorce impasse.
The Court ordered divorce impasse therapy must include all the adults directly involved in the custody of the child. This includes both parents and any live-in lovers or current spouses and any other adult who lives in the home of either the alienating parent or the target parent and any other adult who may be involved in the alienation. A court order may be necessary to require the warring adults to sit in the same room together, but we believe that they must actually face each other if possible, or, at a minimum, be involved with the same systems therapist if meeting together is not recommended.
The Court order must be forceful and explicit. The rights, responsibilities and duties of each parent must be spelled out explicitly. Attendance in therapy as required by the therapist must be court ordered. The custody and visitation schedule may also need to be explicit, with details of how, when and where pick-ups and drop-offs are to occur. All parties must understand that a court order cannot be modified unless approved by the court; if modifications can be made by the family with the agreement of the systems therapist, this must be made explicit in the order.
Confidentiality will always be an issue which should be addressed by the court, the parties, lawyers and the therapist. If the parties are able to agree to confidentiality, it should be written into the court order. If the therapy is confidential, it should be confidential to all, including the court and the guardian ad Litem. The ability of the parties to agree to confidentiality would be a major step to resolution as it indicates both motivation and trust of the system.
If the parties cannot agree to confidentiality, the court should do what it can to insulate the therapist from legal inquiry, with due regard for the parties constitutional rights.14 The court can order the attorneys not to speak with the therapist (except for the Guardian ad Litem) during the therapeutic process, order complete confidentiality for the therapist's working notes; delay all depositions until further court order, or otherwise limit the therapist's involvement in the litigation process.
There must be a mechanism for enforcement of the court order. The court should appoint a Guardian ad Litem who will have the authority, independent of further court order, to require a complete family system evaluation if the above treatment is not successful. The order at this stage should include the mechanism for the payment of both the Guardian ad Litem and the court ordered evaluation.
The order should also contemplate the need for rapid and complete intervention, should the parties fail to ameliorate the situation. We suggest that the court schedule a review hearing at the time it issues the therapy order, and allow only the Guardian ad Lisituation. We sugg
We are hopeful that, in most cases, the court ordered expensive evaluation will be sufficient sanction to motivate the parents to genuinely participate in treatment, but the parties must be made to feel the strength of the court behind the court order. Sanctions for failure to comply must be explicit. We urge the court to spell out the next stage of intervention (described below) and include an explanation of what sanctions to expect at a future date, if necessary.
3. Moderate
Intervention for moderate alienation cannot be only the educational and counseling intervention described for mild alienation. Education cannot be successful because the alienation at this level is not a rational process and reason alone will not change irrational behavior. At this level the alienating parent's individual internal difficulties have become so intense that insight and judgment as to the target parent is impaired. Further, the alienating parent's interactions with and about the target parent are based not on observed behavior but on inner fears and serve to reaffirm the belief that the target parent is bad. Additionally, external forces (individual therapists, attorneys, extended family) have become polarized on behalf of one party and serve to perpetuate the alienation.
We believe that the family system must be thoroughly evaluated by a professional or a team of professionals competent in the "family systems" approach. The evaluation must be of the entire system, including all adults directly involved in the life of the child, as described above. The evaluation must be generated by a single source or team; multiple individual psychological evaluations will not be able to advise the court as to the interrelational issues that are affecting the functioning of the family.
The purpose of the evaluation is to 1.) identify the specific motivations and behaviors that are causing the divorce impasse or subsequent alienation; 2.) to assess whether or not individual therapy might be beneficial for any party to help resolve intrapsychic issues; and 3.) to develop a complete behavioral plan to intervene in the alienation process.
The behavioral assessment must be very specific as to the motivations for the impasse behaviors that are causing the alienation, and the changes necessary to alter the system. Once the behaviors and beliefs are identified, the evaluator can make recommendations as to specific behavioral measures to counter the alienation. The recommendations must be sufficiently detailed and specific to be quantifiable.
We wish to emphasize here that individual psychological evaluations and ther-apies, or "talking" group or family therapies are of minimal value in these situations, as they may only serve to perpetuate the alienation process. The goal of appropriate treatment is not only to gain understanding of the divorce impasse but also to behaviorally reduce or eliminate alienation within the system. In order to intervene in alienation, behavior and group dynamics must be modified.
We suggest the Individual Educational Plan (the IEP) as a model.15 The Recommendations must be as specific and goal oriented as the IEP, and compliance must be targeted in much the same manner.16 Compliance should be approximately 70% compliance the first two months; 80% the third or fourth month; 90% the fifth month and thereafter.
For example:
1. The child will see Target Parent X times per week without parental conflict at times of transition;
2. The child will telephone Target Parent X times per week and talk about positive things for a minute or two; (depending on the age of the child); (depending upon whether telephone calls to a hostile environment would be beneficial or not to the child);
3. During the visit, the Alienating Parent may call only "x" number of times (or may not call at all);
4. The child will send Target Parent a picture or painting in the mail once per week, with a positive note attached;
5. The child will bring home from visits a project done or a note to Alienating Parent about what was enjoyed during each visit.
6. The Target Parent will provide a photograph of himself to the child, and the Alienating Parent shall encourage the child to display it.
Essentially, what the evaluators must do is to understand the impasse, address it directly and compassionately. Clearly, this plan will work best if the internal and the interactional issues which created the divorce impasse are concurrently addressed and alleviated. At the same time the court must mandate the occurrence of specific behaviors that counteract the battle forces. The court must make the parents demonstrate that they can follow a plan whose ultimate goal is the mutuality of interest, even if they don't feel it. It is our position that the alienating parent must become the welcoming parent in deed if not in thought.
Finally, the plan must cover a specific and lengthy period of time during which behavioral requirements of the parties and the child are explicitly laid out. This will provide the parties sufficient pre-dictability to calm the system down and to allow every one in it to get used to the idea that different relationships between the members are going to be established in a predictable manner. We suggest that the plan cover approximately six months with the child are explicitly laid out. This
Procedurally, we suggest that the Guardian ad Litem be authorized at the first stage of intervention, as noted above, to require the evaluation, and that the Guardian's request have the force of the court behind it. When the evaluation is commenced, the Guardian ad Litem simultaneously should request the Court to schedule a hearing to be held before the Court when the evaluation is complete. At the hearing, all parties could present to the court proposed remedial measures; the Guardian ad Litem would present the evaluator's report and recommendations which will likely include individual therapy to address the impasse and an IEP-like behavioral management program. The Court should then issue a detailed, quantifiable, specific order with sanctions enumerated, as to the behavioral changes necessary to ameliorate the alienation and order the parties into therapy, if recommended.
There will be no confidentiality by the time a family is in this stage of alienation and need for intervention. The court needs to be able to monitor the progress of the family through the behavior management therapy. The behavior management therapist will need to be able to communicate with any individual therapists involved with family members so that there is a full and complete exchange of information and no family secrets.
Creative sanctions must stand behind the court order as compliance at this stage will be motivated only by fear. The ultimate sanction is a change of custody, but there are many others we could suggest. The legal system has traditionally used fines and loss of liberty as punishment for failure to comply with court orders. Certainly, these are sanctions that could be used in these cases, but they may harm or confuse the children as much as the contemnor. Obviously, an award of attorney's fees, the threat of attorney's fees, the threat of weekend jail time may be a useful sanction. Threats of transferring or assigning responsibility for the Guardian ad Litem's fees, the cost of the evaluation, the costs of the child's therapy or even therapy for the other parent can all be used to motivate compliance in this early stage of intervention, subject always to the best interests of the child.
We also suggest that the court could shift both time (expand visitation or award cherished holidays and birthdays to the complying parent) and function (assign areas of traditionally joint parental authority such as medical care, education) in favor of the target parent, both as appropriate sanctions, and as possible preparation for the ultimate sanction, a change in custody.
The careful monitoring of such a detailed court order is an essential piece of this intervention, and we suggest that there be a monitoring team to do it. The Guardian ad Litem and a be a monitoring team to do it. The Guardian ad Litem and a therapist, most likely the evaluator or the original post-divorce counsellor, should work together monitoring compliance. Such monitoring perforce will be largely through reports of the principles involved, the parents and the child, but can also be done by teachers, individual therapists, friends, etc. through reports to the Guardian ad Litem. For instance, teachers can be asked to report on the emotional condition of a child before and after visits and to report on any information the child offers in school. A child can be asked where he keeps the photograph of the Target Parent (as an indicator of the degree of comfort the child
A team is necessary to lessen the danger of the professionals becoming caught into the polarization in the family system. In extreme cases the monitoring team may even want to have a third consultant monitor available to them to oversee the case as a more distant figure, not caught up in the everyday details these kinds of cases chronically present. A consultant monitor could stay aloof of the various warring factions.
If the parties fail to comply with the court orders there needs to be swift access to the courts and a second look at the custody situation.
4. The Parent Evaluation
If the above described interventions fail and the child remains virtually without relationship to the target parent a different level of intervention is warranted. If the alienating behavior continues despite the education, the post divorce counseling, impasse resolution therapy, and the specific behavior management intervention, one can conclude as a matter of established fact that the alienating parent does not have the capacity to foster a relationship with the other parent.
There is a considerable body of research which specifically examines the effects on children of single parent homes. A full review of this literature is beyond the scope of this paper, but, in general, the evidence is overwhelming that in father-absent homes, boys have lower self esteem, are more likely to be rejected by peers and may experience deficits in cognitive functioning. Girls may be less affected than boys in father-absent homes, but the research does show negative effects on girls' social and cognitive development.17
There is an additional body of research on reactions of children to high conflict divorce.18 Children who experience high degrees of conflict between parents during divorce show more emotional difficulty than those whose parents are able to better resolve their difficulties. Children whose parents are in conflict "are more likely to feel caught, and children who feel caught are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and, to a lesser degree, participate in deviant behavior."19
The deliberate alienation by one parent of the other, unmodified by the numerous interventions described above, is psychologically harmful to the child.
"It is important...to appreciate that a parent who inculcates a parental alienation syndrome in a child is indeed perpetrating a from of emotional abuse in that such programming may not only produce lifelong alienation from a loving parent, but lifelong psychiatric disturbance in the child.20"
A change of custody must be contemplated under the best interests standard as the Perrault21 standard of a "strong possibility of harm" has been met.
The court must determine what custody location would be the most beneficial to the child, although in many of these cases the courts actually have to decide which placement is the least damaging to the child. A comparative determination of the custodial capacity of each parent must be done. The court or the parties may well have sufficient information at this point to litigate the issue of the best interests of the cases the courts actually have to decide which placem
Knowing that the alienating parent does not have the ability to foster a relationship between the child and the target parent, the issue before the court will be, does the target parent offer the child sufficient parenting capacity to outweigh that very serious harm. We believe that, because of the very nature of the harm to the child from the lack of a relationship with the target parent, the court must determine whether the target parent has adequate parenting capacity.22
If the target parent shows a parenting ability that is adequate as defined in the research and fits the needs of the child and there is a reasonable likelihood that the target parent will foster the relationship of the child with the alienating parent, the court should seriously consider modifying custody, unless the child is so enmeshed with the alienating parent that a change in custody would be permanently harmful to the child. If the target parent is not adequate, it becomes incumbent on the court to see if there are other family members or foster care available to take the child, someone to help the child create and maintain a relationship with each of his parents.
5. Severe: The Fully Enmeshed Child
If the alienation is allowed to progress and the child has few resources with which to resist the influence of the alienating parent, the child may become fully "enmeshed" with the alienating parent. It is estimated that very few children suffer this harm (between 1% and 5% of alienation cases23) but there are those situations where it is impossible to encourage or even force a child to be with the target parent. These children have only extremely hostile feelings for the target parent, and no amount of evidence disproving their stated reasons for their hatred will serve to dissuade them. Enmeshed children have incorporated the alienating parent's hatreds, emotions and desires with regard to the target parent, such that it is often difficult to discern who is expressing them.
In some of these cases, the enmeshment is so complete that it would cause the child to suffer an emotional breakdown of devastating proportions if custody were awarded to the hated target parent. In these cases, the child's sense of self is totally dependent on the relationship of the alienating parent, and a loss of that relationship would mean destruction of the self. Certainly, attempts to switch custody would be fought against and undermined by the child: tactics would include runaways;
reports by the child of physical/sexual abuse by the hated parent; reports by the child of self destructive behaviors such as drug abuse, suicide attempts; refusal to participate in school; etc.
In these rare cases, the child must stay with the alienating parent, as it is not proper to use a child to punish a parent for misbehavior.24 For whatever solace it is, the target parent must be assured that at some point children do seek out the other parent, and the relationship is not lost forever.
When there is no relationship allowed or allowable between the target parent and the enmeshed child, some courts have suspended a target parent's child support or allowed the target parent to escrow child support so that the target parent does not have to provide financial assistance to the household that hates him so profoundly. However, even this sanction must be used cautiously as the detriment may be experienced by the child, not the alienating parent.
VII. Weapons
"Weapons" are the false allegations by the alienating parent of behavior on the part of the target parent inimicable to the welfare
of the child. The most commonly used weapons are false allegations of:
- threats of or actual domestic violence;
- sexual abuse of the child;
- physical abuse of the child;
- emotional abuse of the child;
- mental illness on the part of the target parent;
- alcoholism/drug abuse/homosexuality on the part of the target parent;
or threats of:
- moving or flight by the alienating parent.
Even when such an allegation is made in the context of high conflict litigation, it must be taken very seriously on its face and fully investigated to determine its validity. Each allegation accuses the target parent of behavior harmful to the child. Safety of the child is paramount. Neither the courts, the lawyers, the therapists or, perhaps, the parents, want to risk the welfare of the child when there is a possibility that the accusations might be true.
By their very nature, the allegations shift the emphasis of investigation onto the accused, the target parent. Several of the accusations are of very private behavior, in the home only, which behaviors are difficult to prove and/or disprove.
Most domestic violence remains invisible despite the increase in awareness of the problem. Under New Hampshire procedures outlined in NH RSA 173-B, a complaint of domestic violence taken to court together with a request for exclusive custody can give the complainant a considerable advantage in the legal system.
Custody can be gained in an ex-parte proceeding. A sworn claim of violence or the threat of violence is all that is needed. Extrinsic proof of danger or harm is rarely requested, and Judges make no inquiry whatsoever into the nature of prevailing custodial arrangements. In most cases, the procedures are appropriate and the protection given critical to the life and safety of domestic violence victims and their children. In rare cases, the procedures afforded to domestic violence victims are manipulated to gain advantage in custody cases without being grounded in real fear of physical violence.
Attorneys are bound by their own ethical rules not to knowingly mislead a tribunal.25 It is highly questionable practice to refer clients who have not suffered domestic violence or the serious threat of it to court for the quick relief afforded such violence refer clients who have not suffered domestic violence or the serious threat of it to court for the quick relief afforded such victims under NH RSA 173-B, although the New Hampshire District Court Judges report an increasing number of such custody cases.26 Advising a client to gain a tactical advantage by using the emergency procedures afforded under NH RSA 173-B
Allegations of abuse of a child (physical and/or sexual) may be fabricated but may also be absolutely accurate; in all instances, but especially in the context of a custody battle, such allegations need to be dealt with immediately by a competent professional who fully understands: 1.) sexual and/or physical abuse of children; 2.) family systems; 3.) divorce and custody litigation and the impact of lawyers and the legal system.
Sexuality triggers intense feelings in all listeners, and fear and panic may, at times, obscure reason. Some litigants have learned to use to their advantage the irrationality that can attend allegations of sexual abuse. We caution all involved: get professional intervention immediately with a coordinated, systemic evaluation of both the allegations of sexual abuse and the family system that has produced the allegation.
Allegations of physical abuse are not used often in the context of custody litigation, perhaps because physical abuse is usually easier to detect than sexual abuse, making it easier to prove or disprove. When the allegations are made and sufficiently established to cause concern in the Superior Court, the court or the parties involved must refer the case to the Division for Children and Youth Services under NH RSA 169-C.
If it is unclear that there is in fact abuse (sexual or physical), then the allegations may have been produced by the intensity of feelings about the divorce, the fear of abuse and a misreading of a particular situation. However, the failure to disprove the allegations will paralyze the system to the advantage of the alienating parent because the emphasis of the Court and the professionals must be on the protection and safety of the child. Unless disproved, these suspicious allegations cast a pall of potential harm to the child that no one person, institution or agency will have courage enough to ignore.
We believe that it is important to establish a baseline of facts upon which all persons involved in the divorce impasse system, family system, family and professionals alike, can rely for future decisions regarding visitation and custody. Because of the emotionally charged atmosphere sexual and physical abuse charges generate, we believe that no one person should be responsible for establishing those facts. Therefore, we suggest that advisory juries be empaneled to aid the judge in his findings regarding the allegations of abuse. NH RSA 519:23; NH RSA 491:16.27 Unless this is done and reliable facts are established in these cases, an accused will always be treated as guilty unless proven innocent with regards to contact with
Accusations of alcoholism, mental illness or homosexuality also place a burden on the target parent to prove fitness to be with the child, but these factors are less potent in most custody litigation today than they used to be. It is easier to prove or disprove alcohol or drug abuse or mental illness as the behavior is not necessarily private. These accusations also do not directly implicate parenting capacity in the same way allegations of physical or sexual violence do, and the courts are routinely requiring that litigants prove a nexus between the alleged behavior and harm to the child.
Another weapon is the threat of moving, or the actual flight of the alienating parent. The court must immediately look to the motive, spoken or unspoken, for the move; if the motivation is to keep the target parent away, this is a clear red flag that the alienating parent will stop at nothing to achieve an exclusive relationship with the child.
No matter when a "weapon" shows up in the course of the litigation, the fact of its allegation must lead directly to a full systems evaluation by a qualified, competent professional. It serves as an indication that the alienating parent knows no bounds and that education, information and behavior management will be insufficient interventions. The courts must look to the long term best interests of the child in terms of custody because the alienation process will continue. The use of a weapon should catalyze the system to the evaluation of the custodial capacities of each parent. An expert must look at the entire system, assess the truth and relevance of the allegations, the motivation for the allegations, assess the safety and welfare of the child and make recommendations as to the best placement and visitation arrangements for the child.
Conclusion
A partnership of judges, attorneys, and mental health professionals is critical in the resolution of high conflict alienation cases. A judge has the power to order changes but is not readily available. Lawyers are more available, but do not necessarily have proper understandings. As advocates, they can easily become part of a divorce impasse system, aggravating an already inflamed system. Mental health professionals must have a systems understanding and usually are available, but do not have the power of the court, nor the legal understandings of the attorney. A partnership is essential.
Attorneys must help clients discern long term interests regarding children, the meanings behind a custody battle (hurt, revenge, fears) and ensuing alienation. Attorneys must offer education about the importance of co-parenting and moving beyond the battleground. Attorneys must treat with caution and trepidation a client who sees a divorcing spouse as all bad and must avoid joining with the client in further escalating this belief. Attorneys must refer to mental health professionals trained in family systems, those who need someone who will work for the best interest of the whole family. Attorneys must recognize when they have been enlisted as active parties in the polarization alienation conflict, and seek consultation so as not to further escalate the process.
Courts must act decisively and explicitly in cases of high conflict divorce and alienation. Orders must be pragmatic and the grounds for decisions must be explained in terms that make it less likely that one party can claim a moral victory and the other feel shame of defeat. Courts must use their knowledge and power to understand the family system, to recognize high conflict alienation cases, and to make appropriate, timely and specific referrals and recommendations. By recognizing alienation in its
early forms, prevention of future harm to the child and family may well be possible. Intervention, at any point along the continuum of harm is crucial to prevent further harm.
AUTHOR:
Peggie Ward, Ph.D.
J. Campbell Harvey, J.D.
Slatoff & Ward Psychological Professional Association
280 Main Street #310
Nashua, NH 03060
U.S.A.
ENDNOTES
1. Most of the research to date has shown that the mother is significantly more likely to be the alienating parent and the father the target parent. However, we note that there is a fair amount of controversy in the field regarding the conclusion that more mothers alienate than fathers, and wish to emphasize that in many cases we personally have seen, it is the father who alienates and the mother who is the target.
2. See, Lamb, M.E.(ed.) In Non-Traditional Families, "Effects of Divorce on Parents & Children" by Hetherington, E.M.; Cox, M.; Cox, R. (1982). See also, Wallerstein, J. & Kelly, J.S., Surviving the Breakup: How children and Parents Cope with Divorce, (1980); J. Wallerstein & S. Blakeslee, Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade after Divorce: Who Wins, Loses and Why (1989)
3. Johnston, J.R. & Campbell, L.E.G., Impasses of Divorce "Forward" by J. Wallerstein, p.ix (1988)
4. Hodges, William F. Interventions for Children of Divorce at 151 (1986).
5. Gardner, Richard, The Parental Alienation Syndrome (1992).
6. Johnston, Impasses of Divorce see Endnote 2.
7. "Families First" is a program currently mandated in several cities/counties in Georgia, Florida, Indiana, Texas, Illinois, Michigan, and Louisiana, among other states.
8. California (The Family Act, Sec. 4607, The Civil Code), Maine (19 Maine Revised Statutes 214.4), North Carolina (7A North Carolina Revised Statutes 494) and Wisconsin (767.001 Wisconsin Revised Statutes) require mediation for custody cases.
9. Zirps, Fotena A., Ph.D. Children Cope with Divorce -- Follow-up Study, Cobb County, Families First, Atlanta, Georgia, (1992).
10. Code of Professional Conduct Rule 2.1.
11. Code of Professional Conduct Rule 3.1.
12. American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Standards of Conduct Rule 2.25 An attorney should not contest child custody or visitation for either financial leverage or vindictiveness.
Comment: ..."Proper consideration of the welfare of the children requires that they not be used as pawns in the adversary process. If despite the attorney's advice the client persists, the attorney should seek to withdraw." Rule 2.27 An attorney should refuse to assist in vindictive conduct toward a spouse or third party and should not do anything to increase the emotional level of the dispute.
Comment: ..."If...the client...asks the attorney to engage in conduct the attorney believes to be imprudent or repugnant, the attorney should attempt to convince the client to work toward family harmony or in the interests of the children. Conduct in the interests of the children or the family will almost always be in the client's long term interests."
13. American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, Standards of Conduct Rule 2.24 When issues in a representation affect the welfare of a child, an attorney should not initiate communication with the child, except in the presence of the child's lawyer or guardian ad litem. with court permission, or as necessary to verify facts in motions and pleadings.
14. Ross v. Gadwah, 131 N.H. 391 (1988).
15. Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, 20 U.S.C. S 1400 et seq.
16. See N.H. Standards for the Education of Handicap Students, Chapt. Ed. S 1109 (1988)
17. Hodges, see Endnote #4. There is not enough research on mother absence to reach conclusions at this point in time as the frequency of mother absence is so low that obtaining generalizable samples is virtually impossible.
18. Wallerstein, Second Chances, see Endnote #2.
19. Buchanan, C. & Maccoby, E., "Variation in Adjustment to Divorce: The role of feeling caught between Parents" April 1991, Paper presented at the Biennial Meeting for the Society for Research in Child Development, Seattle Washington, April 18-20, 1991.
20. Gardner, The Parent Alienation Syndrome at viii.
21. Perreault v. Cook, 114 N.H. 440 (1974); Howard v. Howard, 124 N.H. 267 (1983).
22. There is substantial research on adequate or "good-enough" parenting: Hodges, see Endnote #3; Shutz, B.M., Dixon, E.B., Lindenbergen, J.C., Ruther, N.J., Solomon's Sword (1989)
23. Clawar & Rivlin, Page 142.
24. Webb v. Knudson, 133 NH 665, 673 (1990). "Children are not chargeable with the misconduct of their parents and should not be uprooted from their home in order to discipline a recalcitrant parent."
See also, Houde v. Beckmeyer, 116 NH 719 (1976).
25. Code of Professional Conduct Rule 3.3 A lawyer shall not knowingly mislead the court or use illegal or false evidence.
26. Domestic Violence Training for District Court Judges, January, 1990, personal conversation.
27. This suggestion has been made by Judge Linda Dalianis of the New Hampshire Superior Court. See, Bonser v. Courtney, 124 N.H. 796 (1984) Only a Judge, not a Marital Master, could empanel an advisory jury.
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