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Fathers Battling Injustice
Re: Daughter Does Not Want to See Me
Posted By: Biodad In Response To: Daughter Does Not Want to See Me (Manny Noela)
Date: Sunday, 8 August 1999, at 11:10 p.m.
Man, do you need help. Seems like we're getting a wee bit way ahead of ourselves. Are you really ready to do this, or is it just an exercise in sticking your thumb in your eye?
With the lawyer bit, you're pretty well doing right. Let the plumber do the plumbing, but make sure they do the work (even if you have to get all the materials for them, hold their torch, whatever). Due process is slow as molasses but the deck is changed whenever things get sticky.
You do need to do a little work on yourself, in preparation.
Stop being jealous of your wife's attempts to establish a carreer. She is demonstrating, for the record, where her priorities lie. And primary child care or contact is, at the moment, way down the list.
Yet at the same time, she has shown through the desperate manipulation of your daughter that she is afraid of loosing her children (whatever that may mean to her).
And, if you are the interim custodian, what steps are you taking to protect your daughter's emotional vulnerability, rather than feel "sorry" for her? You need to be there on the button - not taking "No" for an answer. Play acting for Mom is one thing, but she needs to know that Dad is solid.
Careful on the PAS stuff. By all means, research it, prepare your lawyer, consider hiring experts.. But be forewarned. In its present state it (as argument) is kindov like the old flintlocks - too much powder, it blow up in your face. If the alienation can be proven, then it may mean no access, because your very presence is disturbing to the child.
Keep your diffusion and attend to the matters at hand. The focus is and has to remain on the continued well-being of your kids, even in interim matters as who's in the best position to do so.
Mediation may be out, but have you seriously considered negotiation? Once you are clear, the real issues of the other side may be apparent. You know your wife. What arrangement might be both agreeable and durable, to stabalize family life for your children?
Even with a partial understanding or agreement, you're all better off. But be not naieve to deceit. This is the long haul. The court plays are but the checkered game in between.
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